Semi Adult

When did drinking out of straws become gay? Was it always gay? I think it’s a fair point. Girls drink out of straws to not ruin their lipstick (is that right?) and I guess there’s some phallic-ness to it, but it also keeps ice out of your mouth. It’s annoying when you’re drinking Coke and ice keeps smashing you in the nose. Smashing might be an overstatement but you get the point. If you (I) want to drink your (my)  booze quickly with little to no spillage straws are the way to go. So I’m going to ignore the perspective that straws are gay and continue to use them when appropriate. I think a fair compromise would be to call bendable straws gay. They’re pretty gay in themselves but even gayer because they require an odd hand movement to stretch out and bend. We can also agree that colorful straws that loop around and/ or make Mickey Mouse ears are also off the table. Let’s just make sure to not throw out the baby with the bath water. I don’t know how you’d ever throw a baby out with some bath water, you’d have to be dumb as shit, but people used to say it at the office.