Semi Adult

As my friends annoyingly continue to get married (highly over-rated in my opinion) I’ve been talking to a lot of people about wedding gifts. Forget about how much to give or how long you have to send a gift, Aldous recently brought up the topic of having to give a gift at all and he has some good points. Like if I’m traveling through multiple states or potentially countries to get to your wedding, paying for a hotel room, rental car and God knows what else, do I really have to give you a gift on top of that? I believe my gift is the thousands of dollars I’ve shelled out to get to your crappy wedding. Don’t even get me started on being a part of the wedding party. Between a bridesmaid dress/ groomsmen tux, bachelor/ette parties and booze, I’ve spent more on you than I plan to spend on my own wedding. I see the wedding itself as a thank you party for me and all the trouble I’ve had to go through for this nightmare you call the ‘best day of your life’. Plus on top of it, you decide to be an enormous bitch the whole day and I have to stand there is my fluorescent yellow dress and tell you how beautiful you look. I’m thinking about throwing myself a big party, registering for gifts AND asking for cash and just telling everyone that I’m not getting married so this is my wedding, single people have rights too.