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I just read that New York City and other ridiculous cities in the country started a program where they provide one-way tickets to homeless people to basically get them the hell out of town. The apparent rationale for the program is that it’s a lot cheaper to buy them a one-way ticket than to provide a shelter for them to stay in. This has convinced me, once and for all, that homeless people are way smarter than I am. How the hell are they getting hooked up from the government all the time?! First it’s free housing, then it’s food stamps and free healthcare, now free vacations?? I’ll take a one-way ticket anywhere, please please, send me a ticket. Seriously, I’m a total drain on this economy too, I can prove it — I go out to bars and don’t pay for one drink, I steal from Duane Reade, I do all my shopping out of state. If there’s anyone you want to get rid of it’s me, trust me. I’m thinking Hawaii would be good for starters.