Semi Adult

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Lately it seems like everytime I turn on the TV or open a magazine people are talking about bargaining (or haggling if you will) and how, due to the recession, you can now do it anywhere. And by anywhere, I mean Best Buy, the doctor’s office, your coke dealer. The stories always profile these professional cheapskates going to major retail chains and getting all kinds of discounts. First of all, a word about these professional cheap asses, where do these people come from? Do you wake up one day and just say, that is it, I’m not paying for shit anymore, I’m going to march down to The Sizzler and refuse to pay more for my meal because someone sneezed near the buffet. Can you imagine what being friends with one of those people is like? Yeah, it’s probably great to get some free shit but I’m not quite sure it’s worth the embarrassment of being with them at Barnes & Noble when they refuse to pay for a book because there’s a wrinkle in the cover. But really, I don’t understand how this works, I can only picture the scene where I walk into Duane Reade and tell them I want my Lee Press On Nails for half price because the packaging is scratched. I would be lying in a puddle of blood faster than I could say ‘Please put the gun away’.