Semi Adult

Jump to Comments

Going to the bathroom at the office can be kind of annoying…and by bathroom I mean number two. Dumping…that’s number two…just to be real clear. You disappear for a while with no explanation, you have to somehow hide your reading material during your walk to the bathroom, the toilet seat covers never come out of that packet easily, etc. However, what makes it infinitely more annoying is when someone picks the stall right next to you to take their aggressive, soggy dump. There are six stalls, but somehow you want to sit right next to the one occupied by me. I understand that there tends to be a popular stall (usually farthest from the door and against the wall) and that if I’m in that one you may panic and go for the one right next to it, but stop for a second and give it some thought. Office bathrooms have a lot of echo so every squirt bounces around that room like we’re in a recording studio. So, give me at least a one stall buffer. Also, if you have to pee, use the urinal you woman. I don’t care if there’s someone using one of them already, stand next to him and use the other one. If not, I have to jump from toilet to toilet trying to find the one that doesn’t have crusty orange dots all over the seat. Ahhhh…to be at home and get fully naked and read a paper while you go to the bathroom…one of the many joys of not working.