Semi Adult

I keep getting invited to these “Ugly Sweater” parties for the holidays (and by “keep getting invited” I mean I keep seeing people are attending them through Facebook) and I think it’s kinda lame. I think it’s a good starting point for a party, people looking stupid always makes me want to get banged up, but sweaters are just not the best way to maximize the retard factor. Some sweaters come pretty close. My friend Greg has one with a dragon on the front. But not like a cool “I’m a skaterboarder” dragon. More like an old lady who collects glass figurines kinda dragon. It’s pretty sweet but only makes you laugh for about 20 seconds. Maybe a minute depending on what kinda party you’re at. After that the sweater just becomes normal. It looses its “shine”, if you will, rather quickly. And that’s a good sweater. Most people just pull out a stupid, red cable knit sweater. They’re like “look, it’s cable knit, hahaha, right?” No, not right. Yet, as with most things in life I am good at poking holes but not as good at filling them. So, I don’t have a good alternative. It would have to be something like a “Drinking Prop” party. You can carry a funnel around or little water guns with booze or girls can wear those “slutty cowboy” holsters that carry test tube shots. Maybe you bring an ice luge and be the star of the party. Or a “Bring some form of birth control” party. One chic brings a sponge, the other a sign that says “please pull out”. I don’t know. At least then there’s novelty and functionality.  If you’re going to make people do something for your party make it good. I’ll think about more party options and post later.